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Imagine True Love

Ding, Ding, Ding….
“I would like to make a toast to the newly wed couple”

I say that and everybody looks at me and I am starting to think it twice because I may be actually in the process of embarrassing myself…. But you know I think it again and well it is worth the risk cause if there is no risk I guess there is no fun…

“Well I would love to request that ladies below the age of twenty eight gather on the left and ladies above that age on the right side of the hall and well as rude as it seems men are preferably to be seated at the back…”

The funny thing is everyone complies with my request, I guess they think I am starting a group game or something…. Whatever they think I am winning now that they are all where I want them to be….

I look at the 28-years and younger chicks group and I give them the Joey look and, “Hey, How are you doin?”

The bride suddenly starts, “I’m doin’ fine baby, I’m doin’ fine…”

The chicks are divided into groups now, some smiling, some laughing and I am looking at the bride as I say, “Hey you, you got your day, I wanna here that from the community of chicks….”

I am then stepping towards the crowd of chicks when I suddenly turn around and run back and grab the microphone again as I raise my glass half full of Soda (I don’t drink so soda is quite the optimal solution here) and say, “To the bride and groom, almost forgot that…”

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…..
Umm……

Wait a second this is not how it started, this I not supposed to be about me and the chicks. It should be mainly about that I know, but this should be in some aspects about the bride and groom….

Well, dearly beloved we are gathered here today on this wonderful blog to make fun and have fun as we read my imagination of the wedding of a friend of mine, let us call her Sandy… Does that make it too obvious who I am talking about?

Well her Gogi groom seems like a very nice guy, it is apparent that they are both making each other happy, the look weird, I am above twenty eight years of age as you can see through my toast so I am probably not so much of a fan of marriage since I am still single and aiming at a million chicks… Seems like I never change…. I am always and for eternity quite the weirdo…. And being that weirdo I will not judge these two people for getting married… I will have my lips sealed and I will just smile…

The whole thing starts with me and the Raven at Cairo International Airport waiting in queue to get on board on our flight to Slovenia…. We are looking at every chick that passes by and assessing every part of her from head to boobs, to ass, to toes…. We are doing what we do second best following of course both successful and failed trials to hook up with as hot chicks as we can get and believe you me we get quite hot ones…

We get on board and the air hostesses are quite hospitable… I love those women a lot… Well basically not just those women…. I love them as in the whole gender…. I love them all….

Anyways we arrive at Ptuj, Slovenia and Sandy picks us up at the airport and drives us to the hotel where we are both gonna stay for the night and the next day we are to attend her wedding…. I think everyone knows for sure now that I am just imagining cause no woman would give a shit about guests arriving at the airport when it comes to her wedding being the very next day but I usually have high hopes when it is all still part of my imagination…. Real life differs in an annoying kind of way…. Probably a girly kind of way too…

However, the next day we are all gathered in a big hall, I am again checking all the chicks… The Raven is the wiser guy of course he is keeping his godfather look intact (Reference: Oblivion) and I keep losing that look every time there are a lot of chicks around…. I am weak and I am weird and I know it…. So I am checking out every chick and all of a sudden there is this music and every one turn around waiting for the bride to walk in so the Raven and I volunteer to sing along, “Here comes the car, Here comes the car…” That song has been agreed to like a couple of years to three years ago….

A minister, vows and a couple of rings and I hear a couple of I do-s and I shout, “I do too….” Every one turns to me and looks at me in such a way that tells me that there is nothing going on inside their heads except for, “Who the fuck is this weirdo?”

Inside my head I yell in reply, “I am the guest of honor people…”

The next thing I pull the groom towards the microphone and don’t worry people I am totally straight and I guess you already realized that when I started hitting on chicks since like forever… Now I have worked my way through getting him decided to sing a song for her, basically given the way they actually met and became what they are in the first place I guessed Bon Jovi’s, “You had me from Hello” was the most applicable…

I don’t know if his voice is great or not but well it is a risk we have to get; the bride has to be happy ’cause after all it is her day. Next in line is the Raven, he has promised to sing, I wish I could know if that shall be a huge embarrassment for him or for the groom who just sang but anyways it is a wedding so probably no one cares as long as they are dancing and as long as everything is all lovely and romantic…

The dude sings a couple of songs and some people (you know best men and the like) make a few toasts and there comes my turn… I make my toast… Well I will check the on the effect that this toast had as I am leaving… Will see how many numbers I shall get….

The bride seems happy, she keeps dancing and she actually almost slipped in the process, and that’s why you should never do weddings in some place with slippery floors, no one ever listens to my wisdom… The bride has that smile too that doesn’t only say she is excited but it also says she is grateful for everyone who participated in making her day that much fun….

Well as I leave I count the numbers I have got and they are a dozen, you see Sandy I have got the dozen I was talking about last night…. I got what I wanted….

The next thing I know I am in my bed in Cairo… The Raven calls me and tells me to get ready because we have to leave on our flight to Slovenia in a few hours… I wake up with that weird look of “What the fuck” on my face and then I realize that the entire thing was a dream….. “Give me my dozen girls and I will move the Earth,” says the Emperor….

Well screw the dozen….
And well here’s my real toast:
To Sandy and her future partner for life, you are both gonna be stuck together for eternity, be excited about it although I am making it seem scary….
To people who know the meaning of real love,
To the bigger love and the smaller diamonds (Reference: The Raven),
To the meaningful wedding and not just the high cost one (Reference: The Raven),
To a great friend, To miss PW,
To the car-to-be,
To the groom,
And to possibilities….

Save The Last Chance

Fear, anger, depression, heartaches, pain, hurt…

More importantly avoidance…

A lot of reasons to let go of what you may have and wonder later on of what you may have had…

First, you try.

You fail.

You feel scared.

You don’t wanna try anymore.

You feel awful.

You think it is the end of the world.

You feel hurt. You think you have all the pain anyone could ever have.

You get depressed.

You fear taking another leap. You call yourself cautious.

But well, you are just another coward.

Chances pass by, shots you can take and you probably should take but you sit and watch and fear stepping into the world of leaps, chances, new trials. You fear to step out of your own box, one you can only see, one your imagination have built for you making you believe it is your safe place, your very own protective shield. The hell it is not. That very same box you believe is safe is only the reason why you will feel angry and hurt and completely alone for the rest of your life. Just because you couldn’t walk away, you couldn’t move on, it does not mean you are safe. It just means that the best shot you could take, the best chance you may get, your best leap are what you shall lose. Maybe you shall not only lose your best chance at achieving something great but you may also someday go past your last chance and live the rest of your life regretting in depression.

Wanna do it right…

Take that leap you failed to realize you should take…

Save yourself…

Save your last chance…

I Tag Me

The Raven has been tagged by Arima and has left the tag open wondering where the big fat tag chain would go to. Well here I am tagging myself, informing everyone about my favorites:

1. Coffee & Cigarettes.

1. Taking a challenge and fighting my way towards achievement. If I fail I try again. I know something good shall always come around some where along the road. I just need to keep myself interested in the challenge and never giving up.

1. Hanging out with my best friend.

1. Reading.

1. Blogging and well writing in general.

1. Listening to classical music.

1. Watching a funny sitcom.

1. Watching a good, well-acted movie.

1. Entertaining babies and kids (Yeah, I am a child deep inside).

1. As geeky as it seems, shopping for computer shit.

1. Studying.

1. Lecturing in an institute.

1. Spending the summer in Alexandria or the Northern Coast.

1. Spending the winter in Cairo.

1. Spending time with my family.

1. Enjoying a good home-made meal, surrounded by family or friends.

1. Arguing various opinions with people, especially close ones.

(I know I went beyond 15, so if I wanna take off my two least favorite things then they would be 10 and 11).

Word Fuckfuckation

I know why they have the word verification option all over the internet. I know the reason but analyzing the cost against the benefit it is not worth it. The cost is it drives me all nervous and angry.

First of all, I never get it right from first try which is pretty disturbing although I am sure at many instances I typed it right yet I got the wrong response.

Second of all, you ramble on writing comments or blog posts or entering data about yourself into forms and then just when you think you are done, word verification hits you with a big surprise. You are not done yet bitch!

And then you are in for a bigger surprise it is almost impossible to get it right the first time even believe me you may type it right and yet you get the wrong response…

Word verification has been terrorizing me for long… Somebody stop them before I have a nervous breakdown ‘cause of it…

Gypos Creepos

I have been introduced lately to a new kind of people: I have labeled them extreme bullshitters to aid in my lab tests of human stupidity.

I have been lately introduced to the fact that most people full of shit happen to be Egyptians, makes me so not proud of being one, yet I have found a few normal people amidst the crappy crowds which gives me some hope their disease of normalcy would be infectious to everyone around.

I have been lately introduced to… umm… people who have no concepts or beliefs, دلاديل , you may say or at least that is how we could call them in Egypt.

Don’t close the window.

The show hasn’t started yet.

The First Chapter: Introducing Me:

I am a man who likes to reason, who loves to work out his head and see through the logic of things as he debates and argues. But, I have also been taught bullshit, I know how to bullshit anyone all around. In fact I could be beyond doubt the best bullshitter if I had to be.

Yet, I don’t bullshit people a lot, in fact the chances I start bullshitting some one are slim to none and I use the logical methodology to debate, argue and discuss. I love using my brain, guess that is the reason I have been given it.

Allow me to lay down the first ground rule to play the debating game with me:

Rule No. 1

Don’t bullshit a bullshitter. And don’t you dare bullshit me for all that matters. If you try, I will bullshit you and leave you fucking speechless you would wish you were never born.

The Second Chapter: Freedom of Speech:

Freedom of speech: how is that for a very good excuse to feed others our bullshit?

Ladies and Gentlemen, not only in Egypt but everywhere, allow me to introduce my idea of freedom of speech, if you all may.

Calling someone names or asking him to go fuck himself is not freedom of speech. Freedom of speech is giving an opinion, with full respect to the feelings and opinions of others in the surrounding environment.

The Third Chapter: Respecting Religion:

Criticizing someone’s rituals and someone’s religious beliefs is not a freedom of religion. It is bullshit.

Insulting someone’s beliefs and cursing someone’s religion is not freedom it is bullshit.

Insulting your very own religion (A current blogging trend) is not all cool and hip, if it proves something, it is only lack of principles and bullshit.

Allow me to lay down the second ground rule to play the debating game with me:

Rule No. 2

Wanna discuss someone else’s religion do it with respect or put a sock in it cause you can’t be rude with the excuse of ‘Freedom of Speech’, freedom of speech my ass.

And this goes for all religions and for all people, be those me or anyone else.

Rule No. 3

Gypos: Let’s stop being all contradictive as we try to seem all angelic while actually being all devilish as we speak of manners and good actions. We are either bullshitting or logical. Choose one and stick by it and then people like me would know how to deal with you all.

Rule No. 4

Don’t put you ass in the fire and then complain about getting burnt. In other words don’t provoke someone with your bullshit and start complaining of people’s reflex actions.

Rule No. 5

Stop changing your words and act like your intentions were misunderstood. You say something, stick to it instead of acting all weird and start lying.

Dear Gypos,

I am writing this to inform you all that lately I have been disgusted by your weird group behavior. The real hypocrisy is to lie and manipulate facts to look cool and gain acceptance by the weirdos surrounding you. I have come to believe that there is no hope ever in this country of ours ever getting any better because apparently, you all won’t let it go anywhere good with your insensitive, disrespectful natures.

You all are starting to make asses out of your selves, you keep judging each other while not looking to your actions and more importantly you have lately started criticizing each other’s religions. Here is one thing I know, you all complain of the tension that arises between Muslims and Christians in Egypt. I for one don’t have anything against anyone or any religion. But don’t cause the problem and then come back crying and complaining. I think what you all do is more than enough to start tension between nations and not people of different religions.

And please quit bullshitting and be normal…

مالآخر عيشوا عيشة أهاليكو

الثواب

قال رسول الله – صلى الله عليه وسلم:

“يثاب المؤمن رغم أنفه.”

Although my disagreement with the Saudi way of forcing people to pray and my many takes on the approach this goes out to show that there is some goodness to it. After all, everything is relative.

This is just for the uninformed, ignorant souls out there…

My Favorites Dramas

Stated here are my favorite movies in the drama genre. They are also must see recommendations I make, in case you didn’t watch them.

My favorite Dramas of all time in order of preference:

1. The Godfather: Part III (1990)

All the power on earth can’t change destiny.

1. The Godfather: Part I (1972)

It’s Not Personal, It’s Strictly Business.

Real power can’t be given. It must be taken.

1. The Godfather: Part II (1974)

1. Legends Of The Fall (1994)

The men of the Ludlow family. A woman’s grace brought them together. Then her passion tore them apart.

1. Once Upon A Time In America (1984)

As boys, they made a pact to share their fortunes, their loves, their lives. As men, they shared a dream to rise from poverty to power. Forging an empire built on greed, violence and betrayal, their dream would end as a mystery that refuse to die.

1. Carlito’s Way (1993)

Favor gonna kill you faster than a bullet.

1. Meet Joe Black (1998)

Sooner or Later Everyone Does.

1. Phenomenon (1996)

Some things in life just can’t be explained.

1. Scent Of A Woman (1992)

Col. Frank Slade has a very special plan for the weekend. It involves travel, women, good food, fine wine, the tango, chauffeured limousines and a loaded forty-five. And he’s bringing Charlie along for the ride.

1. A Few Good Men (1992)

You don’t need a patch on your arm to have honor.

1. Les Miserables (1998)

The Legend Comes To Life

1. Dances With Wolves (1990)

Inside everyone is a frontier waiting to be discovered.

1. The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

Fear can hold you prisoner. Hope can set you free.

1. The Family Man (2000)

What if you made different choices? What if you said yes, instead of no? What if you got a second chance?

1. Memento (2000)

Some memories are best forgotten.

1. The Emperor’s Club (2002)

In everyone’s life there’s that one person who makes all the difference.

1. Jerry Maguire (1996)

Show Me The Money!

1. The Merchant Of Venice (2004)

Love is Blind!

1. Pay It Forward (2000)

#1 – It has to be something that really helps people.

#2 – Something they can’t do by themselves.

#3 – I do it for them, they do it for three other people.

These are the rules when you pay it forward

1. The Postman (1997)

It is 2013. War has crippled the Earth. Technology has been erased. Our only hope is an unlikely hero.

1. The Green Mile (1999)

Paul Edgecomb didn’t believe in miracles. Until the day he met one.

1. Crash (2004)

You think you know who you are. You have no idea.

1. Tape (2001)

Some things can’t be erased.

1. Scarface (1983)

In the spring of 1980 the port at Mariel Harbor was opened, and thousands set sail for the United States. They came in search of the American Dream. One of them found it on the sun washed avenues of Miami… wealth, power and passion beyond his wildest dreams. He was Tony Montana but the world will remember him by another name… Scarface.

1. Patch Adams (1998)

Laughter is contagious.

The strongest

The strongest of all men is one who could live without people. I have supported that with a quote in a previous post.

Now here is what I think… I believe the quote does not inspire people to let go of each other. In fact I see it pretty much inspires cooperation. It only inspires people to be strong enough not to be affected by the absence of others. If people wanna let go the only reflex action we should have is to send them away without even the bullshit of “if they come back it is meant to be” (if it is love) or “it is true friendship” (apparently if it is friendship).

Simply if it is meant to be, people wouldn’t leave in the first place. If it is true friendship you won’t end up sold out.

So if someone lets go, let go and if they come back kick the crap out of them and then let them out of your door again cause:

1. People never change. If you let them in again they will act like total asses all over again.

1. It is entertaining to kick the crap out of someone.

1. They don’t deserve to stay in your life once they are out, the first time.

Worrying… A guide to stupidity…

I was thinking a while ago of how people act under various circumstances, particularly stress. I was also thinking of how I act and comparing it to how people act.

Worrying, the worst trait you can possess and believe me I am the biggest evidence, I have passed through the various phases of being a worrier. There are three types of worriers:

1. People who worry a lot and let it affect their happiness and their content with any moment in life.

Look at it this way, you get a baby, you are celebrating his birth and instead of being happy, you sit there and worry about how you are gonna send him to college a zillion years later. Here is what I think; I love people with plans, people who have an idea about how they want the future to be but well not to the extent of turning every moment in their lives into a living hell.

Been there, was that person, hated it, it is unbelievably dissatisfying.

1. People who worry in moderation unless someone else adds to the stress and makes everything seem dark and tainted in blood.

Well imagine the same situation only instead of you worrying, you know you gotta plan something for the kid until your wife comes up to you and starts nagging about how your kid will drop out if school because you are fucking stuck in a dead end job or whatever other reason that she sees.

I have come to believe that most of the time people tend to have a negative influence of each other’s morale and hence I believe you should cut people’s words off your mind when you see that coming.

Again some time not so far in the past, I have been that person, I have quit that too.

1. People who worry in moderation, not letting all the shit around affect them and letting things flow until things get really shitty and that is when they start worrying for real yet they have some self control while doing that. Even better, sometimes they are in full control they could smile amidst hell and find a way out.

Those I guess are the best, those are the winners and I am proud I have finally evolved into being one of them…

The thing is there are still some things that makes me worry badly, sometimes I just can’t control it but I have come to develop those feelings of coldness deep inside, feelings enough to run through life without letting anything (At least a big deal of things) affect me. I was thinking today of situations I am being put into and I have come to see life differently. And well, I feel a lot better now that I do.