Where? When? How?

Today I got some funny work related news. I have grown up the tendency to call things funny these days and laugh at each single one of them rather than name situations annoying or uncomfortable. That way I get to keep the laughs and lose the sleepless nights in which I keep turning on my bed thinking of this and that. I am better off sleeping like a baby, and well some say that I act like a baby at many instances so, baby it is… I am keeping that kid in me. He is good.

Anyways, all the daily events in my life get me to think of one thing and well that one thing leads to a single question:

Where is my life going?

I mean come on, I have those big dreams, I still hope I would get to them, but if all the signs smile in victory upon me telling me that I am getting no where then I am afraid I will have to lose them sometime. Well, hope I don’t.

The problem with questioning your life is one simple question leads to zillion unanswerable questions in your head. A question as simple as, “Where is my life going,” triggers questions like:

- When will I get the job of my dreams? More importantly, when will I start my own business?

- When will I find a deserving girl to spend a life time with? Is she already here? Did I already meet her and get consumed with my own self and not see it.

- When will I hold my first child in my hands and make my parents happy for having a grandchild? And more importantly, will I ever have that kid? Will I give my kids the names I wanted to give them? Will they fail me? Will I fail them?

- Will I ever look back at today and smile and call myself stupid for thinking I could lose my dreams?

- Why am I still this far away from achieving those dreams of mine?

Today I was invited for breakfast at a friend’s. His wife is a great cook, I love المحشي and that was some great tasty “ma7shi,” I gotta say I loved the food a lot. I then held his one year old baby. I have a connection with kids, they always laugh and I always fiddle with my keys and that is enough to make them laugh, even when someone else around me does it, the baby wouldn’t perceive it as funny. I give the sound effects. I am nice.

Here is the fun thing, I put a cigarette in the kid’s mouth (unlighted) of course and took multiple pictures, and to be honest these are some of the cutest baby pictures you will ever see, just like the ones you get in forwards. I am an artist when it comes to being all parental and caring with kids. My nature, sue me. Even better, find me a kid to adopt.

A Tumor Called Life

I was browsing through a quote document I had on my PC and I came through this quote:

“For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin–real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.”

This brilliant quote was said by some guy named Alfred D. Souza, and I honestly don’t know who the fuck is Mr. Souza, he kind of reminds me of Zaki Goma’a but anywayz that’s not the point. This quote applies to a lot of people I have seen… Life is like cancer, the pain keeps increasing, and life becomes its a tumor, a real tumor of its own…

Darkness falls and life starts to seem like an endless series of disasters that need pain killers to get us out of them…. Not just the disasters that we need to escape but we need to escape life itself…. It is a pity how we walk through our earlier years wishing we should grow up and become great people, doctors, thinkers, philosophers and in the end we all consume one profession and only one, bullshiters and we start believing in our crap, the system that we have designed for ourselves, the big lies… And then these big lies become bigger ones and they all keep growing and growing until life is no more bearable because we at a certain point in time make the one great discovery… We have all been tricked by our own selves into making our lives the greatest obstacle of all… It is not fate’s fault, it is no one else’s fault…. It is us who do it all…..

To Life,
To Tumors,
To Dying a million times a day while we are still alive…..
And to Possibilities……