Evolution

The Baby:

- He was born, he was staring at the weird world around him, everyone started giving him the usual pick-a-boos and they all called him cute. He used to cry and know the value of tears.

The Child:

- He was four; he used to cry if something even a drop of milk touched his clothes. He didn’t know that the world is all dirt out there.

- He was six and he went to school and he started looking at other kids and wanted everything the other kids had, even of he had more.

- He was twelve and he hit puberty and he started hitting on each and every girl down the road.

The Teenager:

- He started falling in love and thinking he has found the real thing. Still absorbed in a mix of childish and manly feelings and thoughts.

The Man:

- He is confused.

It All Changed

I stood in silence, I stood still, amidst what I felt was ruins, amidst what they called advancement, what they believed was change, what they tried to convince me was the new world that I should cope with and try understand, amidst what I believe was nothing natural. I stood still, in a judging silence of all I saw and heard, amidst the skyscrapers and the speedy cars searching for what is no more anywhere I can see, searching for the truth that used to be, for the life that used to have value, the reality with no artificiality and the events that used altogether to make some sense in this world.

I stood still, searching amidst the noises and in the stores for a record being played, the music of Sinatra, the history that used to be, the women walking in respect and the gentlemen who used to have manners, and searching for the words that were English. I looked for the people who used to live happily, the time that used to pass by as slow as a tortoise and yet give happiness and be felt swift and fast. I searched for the reasonable prices that used to be, the things that I could have purchased with my humble wage and the mobsters who as scary as they seemed used to some how be loved and respected for the morality they partially had.

I stood there and searched for the words gentleman that used to exist, hearing only hip and cool instead, I looked around for when sex was something you don’t discuss with everyone around, for the time when love was the currency of all living things, for when your heart used to bleed in pain for the pain of those you may have never met.

And amidst all my thoughts and dreams of better days that are no more to come the new advanced modern vehicles passed, you cannot cross the street anymore, I remembered when cars had no speed on them, when man was more respected than the machine, when we came first and everything else followed, when we were smart and presidents and kings couldn’t cheat us into believing their shit unless we thought of it, analyzed it and then decided for ourselves if it was logical or not, believable or just pure bullshit and nonsense. I remembered when saying the word bullshit was the rudest of manners.

I stood there, remembering days in which I slept peacefully, happily, safely, feeling that no one will ever harm me, that I could wake up the following day and still find the food I need, the things I wanted to see.

But well things change, no more Sinatra, no more classics, everything is about being hip and all funky…

I guess for people like me death would be the solution, I know I don’t wanna get all pulled in and drowned into this weird unhealthy world I hate and criticize with all my power and ability…

I miss the classics… And the good old life…

Closed Doors

They put me here, in a closed room, many doors, all locked, no lights, it gets real scary when darkness falls when I can’t see anything, when I feel it is like a grave, when I feel no one shall help me if I cry for help, when I realize it is the case all day only the night makes it all clear for me…

And though I am not free, I know I need to be, I need to move out of this room and into other realms, other places I could see, I wanna do things I couldn’t do while I am this trapped. I keep hearing voices beyond these walls but no one answers back when I call for help.

Why am I left alone? Why am I trapped here? Why all the pain and the torture? Why can’t I get out of here and pursue that life which I dream off. I know there is no room, I know there are no doors, I know I the chains that hold me are all illusions, I know that life leads you here when you try to go against the flow, even if the flow was the least thing that is close to right, to truth.

I will still try to walk out and I will one day while keeping my own flow, my own choices, the ones that I believe are right and worth the challenge, worth fighting for…

The Dark

Suddenly, everything is black, not a ray of light all around, no one could rescue you from your pain and suffering. Suddenly all you could see is darkness, and your nose, all it could smell is the scent of death.

All you could tell now is you are gone and you won’t be coming back. Your soul starts wandering all around, starts seeing what your eyes can’t see anymore, people all around, eyes amazed at your unexpected death. People live to turn seventy and eighty with their poisonous nicotine sticks, never parting their hands and you, played all kind of sports, never tasted coffee, never smoked a cigarette and yet you are dead. You didn’t suffer any disease, your heart was fine, your kidneys were fully functional and your lungs were pure and yet you left.

Throughout your life you thought you were invincible, unbreakable, and probably immortal, you thought your healthy habits would keep you away from death, from the end and yet the end came crawling and got you while you weren’t looking…

Now that you are done, you just can’t manage to find a reason, but you know that you have walked through life with an attitude, you have walked through it thinking you are so great and no one was ever able to stop you. Your healthy life and your strong body gave you the arrogance you needed to run people over. Today, maybe your family is around, maybe they miss you but there are a lot of people smiling and laughing and admiring fate for how it brought you down, when you least expected it. The thing is you should have stopped to think, you should have come to your senses when you still had the ability to do so… Now you are just another corpse, another man people will forget…

If you had the chance to live it all over again would you do it differently?

They Saw Me

They saw me sit on my knees, they saw my eyes, they watched my tears, they saw my hands lifted and pointing towards the heavens, they saw me mumble some words; they heard me read my thanks. They saw me and they wondered who is it I was thanking and what is it that I was thanking him for. They stood there fearful to ask, they thought I was crazy, they thought I was insane. They thought I was different. They looked at me, they stared, they gazed, I stayed, on my knees with my hands still lifted and my lips doing their thanks.

And then they got the courage, to cut through my prayers and to ask. They only said two words, ‘Who’ and ‘Why’ and they knew I would understand, they knew I could see them gaze and stare, and to their surprise I answered, “I am thanking God, I am just glad, I am happy to be me, I am thanking Him for making me different, making me like none of you and that way through life I know you are all enslaved and I am fortunate, for I am free.”

Absolutely Nothing

If you are busy and you have something better to do than check out this blog, then I advise you to turn around and go do it cause you are about to witness a post about nothing. This is a post about various and random statements I am about to make that apparently do not relate at all. If you don’t have anything better to do then read this but also you gotta see a therapist for that and try your best to get a life:

1. Last night, I watched the Lake House and apparently at some point in the movie I had a couple of tears. I don’t see why but apparently I am developing a freaking huge soft spot that shouldn’t be on me. I hate that.

1. Apparently Sandra Bullock is one of the best actresses to convince you of sadness when she looks all uncomfortable and her eyes are red and sad, didn’t know that, I used to think of Sandra Bullock as better at comedy.

1. Hate Keanu Reeves in most of his movies except for the Matrix and the Devil’s advocate and apparently I did love sweet November only for the sexy Charlize Therone yet I liked his acting in Lake House.

1. I tend to work a lot these days I only noticed today that I have had a bad headache for two weeks and I have done nothing about it and have not felt it being that horrible until I came to be really free and not for long.

1. I keep criticizing relationships and women in relationships and keep saying that I don’t wanna go into one ever again and wanna concentrate on my career which is my most important dream and yet when I dream of career I am thinking career that will make a wife and kids proud of me. Guess I want what I say I don’t want after all. Yet that does not mean that I will stop making fun of women and relationships just so you know and never come back telling me I contradict myself.

1. I lost an interview at a very great TV station for a consultative position, not because I don’t have the skills necessary.

Apparently, the feedback I got was, “He has the skills necessary to perform the job, he seems excellent at what he does. The problem is he was relaxed during the interview and so confident for someone being interviewed.”

Apparently this is always a problem, people want you to be scared like shit when you are proposing to parents or interviewing or whatever. They want your level of confidence to be zero. What if I know I a doing the right thing and what if that gets me all confident and relaxed. People are totally abnormal.

1. I tend to try to do everything perfectly to an extent that I get all tense when things don’t go as I expect.

1. I am so active and yet for some reason I feel so lazy. What is it that I have got to do in excess of what I do in order to feel really active and full of energy?

1. What really interests me most in women’s looks are their legs followed by the chest area which is weird, I guess usually people go the other way round.

1. I tend to act like an activist at times when I start talking about problems in Egypt and in the Arab world, but indeed I am not an activist it is just that whatever it is that is happening is what makes me for starters live away from Egypt in order to be able to make a better life and many other things in process. I also hate what is happening around me cause I love to see things in perfect shape. Being patriotic to me is about wanting to live a good life cause that would in the end lead to wanting to see a good surrounding environment and hence working for it.

1. I hate to criticize people directly so I always tend to mention my flaws before them in the conversation and work my way to mentioning their flaws from that point.

1. I believe love is not about finding the perfect person, it is about seeing an imperfect person perfectly, yet I think people shouldn’t abuse the fact that you have to see them perfectly by trying to act like total asses.

1. I have been a jerk in many relationships when I was younger and I honestly apologize for that and I know I seem like a nice guy but well, you become nice by starting off weird or so I believe.

1. I really believe I have to taste the sour to taste the sweet but it is getting so sour over here I am starting to believe the sweet doesn’t exist.

1. My eyes get filled with tears every time I think that someday I may wake up and my dad would be dead. I hope he has the longest life possible and I hope I do die before any of those I love and care for.

1. I am so addicted to sitcoms and comedy shows to the extent I have started lately to spend more time watching those on my free time and less time watching anything else.

1. I tend to be scared every time I walk into a new class to lecture a new batch of CMA candidates yet I act in total confidence I look them in the eye and when they ask about my age I tell them I am 26 like it is normal that everyone there would be 1.5 times my age.

1. I miss having my best friend around so badly I usually feel so lonely and unable to talk to anyone even though I may be surrounded by a lot of friends.

1. Sometimes I feel I had something on my mind and I keep trying to remember what it was although deep inside I am 100% confident I wasn’t thinking about anything and there was absolutely nothing on my mind.

1. I tend to worry a lot, I try my best to hide it and I succeed at most times and it is very hard to bottle up.

1. I act in arrogance or so people think I do although I am only overly confident, why shouldn’t I be?

1. I don’t believe I am that much of a good person like I claim to be.

I keep talking about the importance of hope although I usually feel I am never gonna make my dreams.

Tears Over Gotham City

Cruel days andEmpty nights…
I am losing my patience…
I am losing my powers…
I want my bat-mobile back…

They tell me it is being fixed at the mechanic’s but well I know they sold it for what I can only call a very cheap and unreasonable price. They sold it out to people who know nothing about the sentimental value my bat-mobile represents. The city of Gotham is falling in the hands of jokers, there are many of him now all aiming at one goal total destruction of goodness and morals. I hate to see people wait for me when I know i can’t help.. But I still wouldn’t confirm or admit that the jokers have won.

I ask and demand an answer given to me: What happened to all those people who turned into jokers? Why are they dressed in those suits of an inconsistent, inharmonious array of colors? Why do they have their faces painted in that disgusting way? Why did they give in to the enemy and allow him to feed on the misery and blood of their Gotham families and friends?

The sky is pouring tears over my head And amidst the bloodshed, no one knows that batman is now dead…

And the only question and the only worry that remains is: Where are they leading us to and what are they planning for you Gotham City?