Evolution

The Baby:

- He was born, he was staring at the weird world around him, everyone started giving him the usual pick-a-boos and they all called him cute. He used to cry and know the value of tears.

The Child:

- He was four; he used to cry if something even a drop of milk touched his clothes. He didn’t know that the world is all dirt out there.

- He was six and he went to school and he started looking at other kids and wanted everything the other kids had, even of he had more.

- He was twelve and he hit puberty and he started hitting on each and every girl down the road.

The Teenager:

- He started falling in love and thinking he has found the real thing. Still absorbed in a mix of childish and manly feelings and thoughts.

The Man:

- He is confused.

It All Changed

I stood in silence, I stood still, amidst what I felt was ruins, amidst what they called advancement, what they believed was change, what they tried to convince me was the new world that I should cope with and try understand, amidst what I believe was nothing natural. I stood still, in a judging silence of all I saw and heard, amidst the skyscrapers and the speedy cars searching for what is no more anywhere I can see, searching for the truth that used to be, for the life that used to have value, the reality with no artificiality and the events that used altogether to make some sense in this world.

I stood still, searching amidst the noises and in the stores for a record being played, the music of Sinatra, the history that used to be, the women walking in respect and the gentlemen who used to have manners, and searching for the words that were English. I looked for the people who used to live happily, the time that used to pass by as slow as a tortoise and yet give happiness and be felt swift and fast. I searched for the reasonable prices that used to be, the things that I could have purchased with my humble wage and the mobsters who as scary as they seemed used to some how be loved and respected for the morality they partially had.

I stood there and searched for the words gentleman that used to exist, hearing only hip and cool instead, I looked around for when sex was something you don’t discuss with everyone around, for the time when love was the currency of all living things, for when your heart used to bleed in pain for the pain of those you may have never met.

And amidst all my thoughts and dreams of better days that are no more to come the new advanced modern vehicles passed, you cannot cross the street anymore, I remembered when cars had no speed on them, when man was more respected than the machine, when we came first and everything else followed, when we were smart and presidents and kings couldn’t cheat us into believing their shit unless we thought of it, analyzed it and then decided for ourselves if it was logical or not, believable or just pure bullshit and nonsense. I remembered when saying the word bullshit was the rudest of manners.

I stood there, remembering days in which I slept peacefully, happily, safely, feeling that no one will ever harm me, that I could wake up the following day and still find the food I need, the things I wanted to see.

But well things change, no more Sinatra, no more classics, everything is about being hip and all funky…

I guess for people like me death would be the solution, I know I don’t wanna get all pulled in and drowned into this weird unhealthy world I hate and criticize with all my power and ability…

I miss the classics… And the good old life…

People

What have I to say about people? I believe in the goodness that is by nature part of people. I believe they are supposed to be good and respectful by default yet like any thing nowadays people change the default settings.

Think of people as software, they have certain settings at installation, the default settings and yet you have the choice to change those settings, you always have the tools menu through which you could reach the settings or the options window. Even easier sometimes there is an options button right there to create a change.

The only difference between a human being and a computer program is that usually programs have the choice of restoration of default settings. Humans on the other hand don’t have that, once they change in the direction of the worse ‘cause a human’s basic nature is composed of the optimal settings, they could never go back, they could never go back to default, the default button is usually missing or more like rarely existent.

We, the human race, have become self centered we don’t care about each other, we only care about our very own benefits, everything is pure business to us. Love is some kind of business we do, there is always something material behind our actions, if not money we have something else in line to be acquired. We wanna have everything thinking that that would create the happiness we have always hoped for, yet we never end up happy, what a mess…

Sometimes I just wish time stopped when I was a young kid, when all I cared about was candy, when all I wanted was nothing but a couple of toys and when all I wanted was to go out to some park with my parents to play with the other kids. I did play, we did enjoy the slides and the toys and then we grew up, no more slides, no more toys, yet we play, only now we have our own games, ones that sickens us, yet we love them for our very own good, the good that we think we are achieving, knowing not we have achieved nothing, we have nothing and we will never get to anything. We just keep failing and blaming it on others cause we no more have the courage to face ourselves in our mirrors and say it out loud, “You have been a failure, dumb ass.”

The Dalai Lama once said, “I believe all suffering is caused by ignorance. People inflict pain on others in the selfish pursuit of their happiness or satisfaction.”

From Where I Sit

I wake up in my chair, I open my eyes and I look around and I see. I see, I watch, I observe and there is nothing there that I like… I see people die day after day… I see tears of children that I am not allowed to wipe… I see love break on rocks… I see men lose their dreams… I see women let go of their children for their own stupid reasons…

From where I sit I could only have one wish, I could wish I was blind. From where I sit I could only try to stand and walk away and leave everything I saw, everything I hate, leave that all behind and die.

From where I sit I ask and I never get a response. From where I sit I wanna know what has changed, what has made things this different? Why are people so inconsiderate? Why the tears? Where are the joys?

From where I sit I feel pain that I have never felt before and from where I sit I just wish people wee more normal and I pray that no one else would feel this pain I feel…

From where I sit I see a painting of death, I feel anger all inside my head.

From where I sit, I see a picture of life all around and I gotta say, that picture makes me sad, makes me cry, from where I sit.

Why The Freaking Sadness?

Why did people applaud him, he wasn’t dickens and he wasn’t Shakespeare, to me actually he was nothing?

Why are some people calling him the great author, blah, blah, blah, was he really anything of that?

Is it the nobel prize cause come on people who promote war actually get it these days for peace. The nobel prize is now given based on political and religious reasons, which makes it more like the bullshit prize, not in all but most cases.

Who was Naguib Bateekh to have all this attention and create this weird fan base? I say a nobody who just had some luck in gaining the attention of the millions who are ready to buy more bullshit their lives.

I think it is just another idiot gone, someone who is above 80 and who is just a freak of nature, why the ultimate sadness?

If you think he was that great, how did he change lives? How did he make your lives better? I think he did nothing…

Sleep

Do you ever get the feeling that you are willing to resist sleep in favor for spending more time awake thinking that by sleeping all you are doing is losing precious time off your life? Do you ever think that waking up more is just extending your day more and that your need to sleep is not inherent in that you wanna go for the rest but in that you are forced to by your body mechanism which would otherwise crash?

I always get this feeling, I used to get it since I was real young until this day has come when I sometimes wish I could sleep more but all I could go for instead is three to four hours of sleep a day and that’s it. I got used to staying awake through longer parts of the night. It gets annoying at times but it still keeps the entertainment intact, the entertainment of having more time to do what you hope for doing. The fact that people keep talking about how short life is makes us wanna artificially extend it, only to end up extending our awake hours and reduce our sleep to what may or may not be healthy.

After all we spent most of our early childhood sleeping and we will spend most of our time sleeping when we get older. And well, to feel better about all of it being healthy or not I will say I love this verse of the poem:

فما أطال النوم عمرا، و لا قصر في الأعمار طول السهر.

THE FABRIC OF TIME

People worry a lot; I am one of those people. But there is one thing I am sure a lot happen to do that I don’t, they just wanna see into the future. I am planned and organized but I hate it when people think plans are unbreakable, and that they should never be changeable cause what I know of is that the only unchangeable constant plans are those of God, and those represent the fate of humans. What we do is try and plan, in order to work hard since we know not what our fate shall be but in the end we have to stick to what we are given, cause we will be given no more.

I have met people throughout my life who didn’t give a shit about time; apparently I have this great thing for time. I respect my timings; I love to arrive wherever I have to be whenever it is that I promised to be there and even earlier. It is a thing I have got used to since childhood. On the other hand some people just have issues with watches and clocks. They tell you they’ll meet ya at seven and they arrive fifteen minutes late if they are actually so early. Why can’t you say 7:15 or 7:30 and what’s the deal with calling people waiting for you and going, “Hey I am sorry I will be there in five”? And why are you even lying then? Someone is already there waiting for you wherever it is that you are supposed to meet and you lying about when you will be there, how pathetic.

Well back to the main point, I just don’t wanna go speaking about time in general; this was supposed to be about time and plans. Apparently I have met a rare kind of people, a kind that really amuses me. You know that kind of people who go like, “Oh you told me that was the plan, why is it not going like we agreed?” OH MY GOD, for God’s sake, if I could exactly get what I want all the time I would get myself a million bux right now, why million, a billion, a gazillion, but I don’t have that power, or do I? Who does actually?

Plans are made and are subject to be broken, that’s why they are called plans, you can guarantee anything in the future, you could just give some reasonable assurance, exactly like an auditor does, and if an auditor cant guarantee you the reliability of past data then I am totally positive I cant guarantee you future ones.

We don’t own time, time is its own owner, we can’t change the future, it is pretty much determined, all we have to do is try and hope we are trying in the right direction towards the future that is already determined for us, and well all we have to do is sit and wait and see for ourselves what is it that is gonna happen for us.

To summarize it all let’s just say that you don’t mess with the fabric of time. If there is one thing we learnt from ‘Back To The Future’, it is that.

Something To Consider

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