Where? When? How?

Today I got some funny work related news. I have grown up the tendency to call things funny these days and laugh at each single one of them rather than name situations annoying or uncomfortable. That way I get to keep the laughs and lose the sleepless nights in which I keep turning on my bed thinking of this and that. I am better off sleeping like a baby, and well some say that I act like a baby at many instances so, baby it is… I am keeping that kid in me. He is good.

Anyways, all the daily events in my life get me to think of one thing and well that one thing leads to a single question:

Where is my life going?

I mean come on, I have those big dreams, I still hope I would get to them, but if all the signs smile in victory upon me telling me that I am getting no where then I am afraid I will have to lose them sometime. Well, hope I don’t.

The problem with questioning your life is one simple question leads to zillion unanswerable questions in your head. A question as simple as, “Where is my life going,” triggers questions like:

- When will I get the job of my dreams? More importantly, when will I start my own business?

- When will I find a deserving girl to spend a life time with? Is she already here? Did I already meet her and get consumed with my own self and not see it.

- When will I hold my first child in my hands and make my parents happy for having a grandchild? And more importantly, will I ever have that kid? Will I give my kids the names I wanted to give them? Will they fail me? Will I fail them?

- Will I ever look back at today and smile and call myself stupid for thinking I could lose my dreams?

- Why am I still this far away from achieving those dreams of mine?

Today I was invited for breakfast at a friend’s. His wife is a great cook, I love المحشي and that was some great tasty “ma7shi,” I gotta say I loved the food a lot. I then held his one year old baby. I have a connection with kids, they always laugh and I always fiddle with my keys and that is enough to make them laugh, even when someone else around me does it, the baby wouldn’t perceive it as funny. I give the sound effects. I am nice.

Here is the fun thing, I put a cigarette in the kid’s mouth (unlighted) of course and took multiple pictures, and to be honest these are some of the cutest baby pictures you will ever see, just like the ones you get in forwards. I am an artist when it comes to being all parental and caring with kids. My nature, sue me. Even better, find me a kid to adopt.

And No One Believes You Until They Try

A few weeks ago I was doing some work for a real estate company that comes under one of the many entities we have to work with in consultations and auditing and some other special assignments. Anyways I got really pissed at the finance manager/idiot over there, I was asked to stop working on that assignment and someone else started handling it while I was assigned something else.

All that being said, I was already asking for it and wanting it, nothing of all that was less than what I actually wanted, all nice all great, I was asking to be off that assignment for long, I mean come on dealing with ignorant people is one thing, but dealing with ignorance itself and combined with arrogance, now that is something I really can’t take.

Anyways when I got back to the office I was criticized by my manager, actually by everyone for my attitude towards the people over there and was accused of being unable to handle people by a manager who does not know how to handle his very own self when he is angry but well I took it in and let it go. You see I can be calm, given I was told that I am off the assignment before the blame assessment started.

Well since I am posting this on fun trip, there should be a fun twist, here it comes, today my manager got really pissed over the phone at the same guy, the same finance manager and he spoke in rage. I mean come on what kind of idiot asks you for reasons for requiring documents for audit when the audit charter stipulates that as an internal auditor and consultant you have got the right to access any documents at any time you wish. Even better, you are allowed to walk in on any meetings and sit and listen to whatever that is said and even interfere and discuss.

Well I laughed, my manager knew I was laughing at the situation and he said:

“You were right, they are freaks.”

There is no better feeling than that tickle when you hear the words you are right.

Well, given my obsession with Frasier, it is funny when they cut you off radio air just after you say:

“People who know me best will be surprised to know, I am not a man”

That should have been: “I am not a man who betrays his principles.”

Anyhow, this is just another fun drive in the trip. I hope it stays fun; that laugh is what keeps things running good and fine.

Absolutely Nothing

If you are busy and you have something better to do than check out this blog, then I advise you to turn around and go do it cause you are about to witness a post about nothing. This is a post about various and random statements I am about to make that apparently do not relate at all. If you don’t have anything better to do then read this but also you gotta see a therapist for that and try your best to get a life:

1. Last night, I watched the Lake House and apparently at some point in the movie I had a couple of tears. I don’t see why but apparently I am developing a freaking huge soft spot that shouldn’t be on me. I hate that.

1. Apparently Sandra Bullock is one of the best actresses to convince you of sadness when she looks all uncomfortable and her eyes are red and sad, didn’t know that, I used to think of Sandra Bullock as better at comedy.

1. Hate Keanu Reeves in most of his movies except for the Matrix and the Devil’s advocate and apparently I did love sweet November only for the sexy Charlize Therone yet I liked his acting in Lake House.

1. I tend to work a lot these days I only noticed today that I have had a bad headache for two weeks and I have done nothing about it and have not felt it being that horrible until I came to be really free and not for long.

1. I keep criticizing relationships and women in relationships and keep saying that I don’t wanna go into one ever again and wanna concentrate on my career which is my most important dream and yet when I dream of career I am thinking career that will make a wife and kids proud of me. Guess I want what I say I don’t want after all. Yet that does not mean that I will stop making fun of women and relationships just so you know and never come back telling me I contradict myself.

1. I lost an interview at a very great TV station for a consultative position, not because I don’t have the skills necessary.

Apparently, the feedback I got was, “He has the skills necessary to perform the job, he seems excellent at what he does. The problem is he was relaxed during the interview and so confident for someone being interviewed.”

Apparently this is always a problem, people want you to be scared like shit when you are proposing to parents or interviewing or whatever. They want your level of confidence to be zero. What if I know I a doing the right thing and what if that gets me all confident and relaxed. People are totally abnormal.

1. I tend to try to do everything perfectly to an extent that I get all tense when things don’t go as I expect.

1. I am so active and yet for some reason I feel so lazy. What is it that I have got to do in excess of what I do in order to feel really active and full of energy?

1. What really interests me most in women’s looks are their legs followed by the chest area which is weird, I guess usually people go the other way round.

1. I tend to act like an activist at times when I start talking about problems in Egypt and in the Arab world, but indeed I am not an activist it is just that whatever it is that is happening is what makes me for starters live away from Egypt in order to be able to make a better life and many other things in process. I also hate what is happening around me cause I love to see things in perfect shape. Being patriotic to me is about wanting to live a good life cause that would in the end lead to wanting to see a good surrounding environment and hence working for it.

1. I hate to criticize people directly so I always tend to mention my flaws before them in the conversation and work my way to mentioning their flaws from that point.

1. I believe love is not about finding the perfect person, it is about seeing an imperfect person perfectly, yet I think people shouldn’t abuse the fact that you have to see them perfectly by trying to act like total asses.

1. I have been a jerk in many relationships when I was younger and I honestly apologize for that and I know I seem like a nice guy but well, you become nice by starting off weird or so I believe.

1. I really believe I have to taste the sour to taste the sweet but it is getting so sour over here I am starting to believe the sweet doesn’t exist.

1. My eyes get filled with tears every time I think that someday I may wake up and my dad would be dead. I hope he has the longest life possible and I hope I do die before any of those I love and care for.

1. I am so addicted to sitcoms and comedy shows to the extent I have started lately to spend more time watching those on my free time and less time watching anything else.

1. I tend to be scared every time I walk into a new class to lecture a new batch of CMA candidates yet I act in total confidence I look them in the eye and when they ask about my age I tell them I am 26 like it is normal that everyone there would be 1.5 times my age.

1. I miss having my best friend around so badly I usually feel so lonely and unable to talk to anyone even though I may be surrounded by a lot of friends.

1. Sometimes I feel I had something on my mind and I keep trying to remember what it was although deep inside I am 100% confident I wasn’t thinking about anything and there was absolutely nothing on my mind.

1. I tend to worry a lot, I try my best to hide it and I succeed at most times and it is very hard to bottle up.

1. I act in arrogance or so people think I do although I am only overly confident, why shouldn’t I be?

1. I don’t believe I am that much of a good person like I claim to be.

I keep talking about the importance of hope although I usually feel I am never gonna make my dreams.

My Idiot Supervisors….

“How lucky can an auditor be, I killed him when he pushed me, like a fellow once said ain’t my job like shit…”

My two audit supervisors stink…. One has a breath issue and the other, oh the other he actually smells maybe it is not too obvious but I have an extra care for hygiene issues that makes me always alert to shit like this….

The first one is a skeleton rather than just thin, almost extinct with his annoying slimness, and he is always on a diet, what a freaking girl, he wants to keep his posture. Well I hope he never walks into the office with make-up all over his face… He wouldn’t make a pretty hermaphrodite….

The other one is a short weirdo, who reminds me of the old Mario game, and when he was promoted some time a year ago I decided also to change his title from Mario to Super Mario… The one difference between him and the game is he never finds those mushrooms that would help him grow which makes me confused, should I pity him or should I just feel like kicking him….

The first is full of that foxy malice and the second is full of that non-sexy vibe that wouldn’t attract a chicken and yet he thinks he knows a lot about women…. They are both freaks, fun freaks and they think they give me a hard time and well I gotta be honest they both make me laugh and it gets funnier everyday….

So the short SOB thinks he is the smartest with his brand new MBA degree that makes him untouchable or whatever shit he thinks and his total inability to pass a professional qualification exam because he is an academic freak…. He also thinks he is immortal I guess or he acts like he is and he has the best way of informing you of how he fears no one and then chicken out when he is facing any one and everyone….

And well you short freak, regarding your Arthur & Anderson experience, first you don’t stress the ‘e’ in Anderson like it is almost an ‘I’ and well you always make me feel like you are the only person who ever worked there, guess what, you are not… So up your ass my friend and if I ever hear the name of that extinct firm again I am gonna have to stick my foot in your ass, you sick piece of shit…

The other freak thinks he knows what no one else knows and thinks he is deceiving everyone but well some people are not that easy to trick, I dunno how he never noticed that I am not an easy target for deception and I will never be…. And well the freak lies about everything and acts like everything is a huge secret… FUCK YOU MAN….

And well you both take both my middle fingers as a token of friendship and peace, well a piece up your asses….

Guess that’s it, you freaks…

And here’s one last message for both of you:
Dear Supervisors,
Please go fuck yourselves and may you both burn in hell…..
To Possibilities…

For The Love Of Cash

Ground Rules:

First Rule:
“The world advances by the performances of a very small number of people.”
Comment: We do not belong to that group.
Impact: If you think your life sucks, and your job stinks then change the rules by which they both go but in order to change those rules you need to become one of the group mentioned above because you will have to establish new rules.
Conclusion: You cannot change what you have no control over so stop crying if that’s you that I hear.

Second Rule:
“Morals, Principles and Ethics are something you abide by, like a code your life should always adhere to”
Comment: If you don’t adhere to them they are no more your ethics, your morals or your principles.
Conclusion: Your morals, principles and ethics are reflected by what you do today and if you do something that reflects ethics and principles that are not related to what you claim are your ethics and principals then you simply are what you do and reflect.

Third Rule:
“It is a package, if you have a principal or an ethical concept, apply it or them, if you don’t then:
1. It is not your principle.
2. Saying that you want to apply them does not make them your ethics or principles.

Simply I believe that if you are asked to dance naked in public to get something you want, you will dance naked… We are all slaves of our needs and that makes us slaves of the bigger corporate system.

We are all in it for the biggest love of all… We are all in it for the love of cash… It is what creates a whore, who wouldn’t else wanna be such a whore but then she gets used to it and the job becomes part of her moral code. It’s what creates us, lawyers, bankers, auditors, analysts, engineers, doctors, etc. Every single one of us loves the cash… Wives leave their husbands for the cash. Childrens may hate they grew with their own parents and wish they grew in another household cause hello… Lack of THE CASH… The Cash rules… We are just worth the cash we have… I may not like it but the thing is it is a generally accepted global principle. Life is all about the material and the cash…

And if we ever wanna change that then we gotta stop complaining and describing our high morality and then we should actually make that moral code we talk about exist in our lives for real….

Now, Here is to the moral code….
And here’s to that tiny possibility that we find our real selves through the way….
And here’s to all possibilities…..

Job Haters

It is amazing how i keep asking everyone, almost everyone I meet about their jobs, if they love it, if they hate it and it seems like 90% of the overall population actually hate their jobs…

I keep wondering why, maybe I am not so in love with the place I am working in but my job, the job title, everything about what I do in analysis and investments is something I love unexpectedly… Yeah when it comes to reviews and audits, Oh My God, I feel like I gotta kill myself, but I really adore my job in general… I am the analytical type, and again I am a presentational kind of person so I do the analysis and I present the facts and it works good for me….

How to get to love what you do?
I really don’t know how I did it and fell in love with what I do… But basically I guess it starts with knowing what you wanna do, you wanna be a writer, don’t just go and be a writer, find out what is it that you wanna write about and then go for it.

People are usually scared of changing their jobs, they go like “Oh we spent all this time doing this, blah blah blah, why lose all that experience to start all over again.” I tell them, “Why lose your entire life trying to do something that you will never love and at the end of this very same life have this feeling of regret that you never did what you should’ve done…”

Finally I quote Henri Frederic Amiel:

Work while you have the light. You are responsible for the talent that has been entrusted to you.
Here is to Mr. Henri Frederic Amiel…..
And here’s to possibilities…..